Years ago (I think I was eleven), I decided to vocalize to my family that I didn’t enjoy pizza. In disbelief, and an utterly childish display of hostility, my father in particular tried to make me jealous that everyone else was eating pizza but me, whenever it was ordered in, for the years after this … Continue reading »
Monthly Archives: January 2012
Sex, Sexuality, & Sexualizing
I just spent an hour talking about sex while the sun rose this morning. I see a psychotherapist every week, and freely express what’s been on my mind and creeping into my dreams for the six days leading up to each appointment. Today, I started talking about a dream I had in which the issue … Continue reading »
“Thanks For Hanging Me”
You’re welcome. But I owe you my gratitude as well. I really had a nice time, from start to finish. Though I was fumbling and generally under-confident until I was working in my engineering-problem familiar-territory, Thank You for not losing patience or confidence in me. Thank You for showing me that you trust me. And … Continue reading »
The Worst Six Months in the Last Ten Years of My Life
It’s finally over. I can finally be sure that it’s over. I can finally rest, assured that the next fucking terrible thing isn’t going to leap out of left field at me. Except that I can’t. My hypervigilance has kept me alive this long, through decades of trauma. I have been physically battered, sexually assaulted, … Continue reading »
Photo Project: Obsessive Self-Portraits
Two years after my last attempt to throw my life away, and a year and a half since I came out as trans and genderqueer, I decided to commit to doing a photo project. This journal entry concerns a description of that project–of why I’m embarking on this journey alone, instead of just getting someone … Continue reading »
Thou Art Not Trans Enough
Apparently having wrongful assumptions about my ethnicity thrown in my face as a non sequitur yesterday wasn’t enough. Today I experienced another trip through someone else’s “Thou Art Not Trans Enough” transexual elitism. This came about as a result of a–quite frankly–shocking decision on the part of Canada’s gay and lesbian news source, Xtra! One … Continue reading »
Holier Than Thou
Today, I received news the Canadian government — my government — is allegedly taking steps to dissolve thousands of same-sex marriages. Specifically, marriages which involve persons whose home country does not legalize gay marriage. I know people whom this decision effects, am aware of celebrities such as Dan Savage who this will impact in a … Continue reading »
Art Saves
Yesterday afternoon, I received tattooing across my fingers that I have wanted for over a year. This event, which would normally be both cathartic and euphoric, occurred on the heels of a rather sobering reminder of what this tattoo means to me. Below is a picture I took with my webcam today, shortly after unwrapping … Continue reading »
Heterosexism and Gender-Binarism: Calling an Event Pansexual Doesn’t Make it Inclusive
Someone on a distant microcosm of the internet, where no one can look in without signing up first (so no one can know what is being discussed there and, as a result, can’t know to look for it), asked why queers, trans people, and genderqueers feel unwelcome at pansexual (kink) events even when they are … Continue reading »
Whitentity: White Privilege, Racism, & Fighting to Eliminate Both
Well, there’s no better way to begin expressing this. I’m white. It’s a part of my identity I can never escape–my “whitentity”. It serves me with a certain collection of social privileges, such as never being asked where I come from; always being assumed in my own country to speak the mother tongue (and thus, … Continue reading »
