Open Letter

An Openly Hostile, Open Letter To Brian, Full Of Profanity

Dear Brian:

I have already taken the measure of writing you a private message, detailing to you how I experience your persistently hostile attention towards me. I have also now taken the measure of blocking you from accessing me, except through this blog post, which I actually expect you will never take the time to read anyway. Because I can’t be sure whether or not you can still access the message I sent you, here it is again (of course, now it’s not private any more, so everyone else can read, in my own words, how I addressed you today):

it has come to my attention that the kinds of arguments you have persisted in attempting to bait me in, you reserve exclusively for people of the male sex. in other words, you aren’t observed displaying this kind of hostility and disregard for basic tenets of respect, towards people of the female sex.

here’s the thing: i wasn’t born with a penis, and still don’t have one attached to me (that i have only been open about this fact for the past two and a half years would explain why you have only chosen to interact with me at all relatively recently). i don’t identify as a man (or as a woman). but i have been subjected to systemic sexism on the basis of what isn’t in my pants, for virtually my entire life. when you come along out of nowhere into random conversations that don’t concern you in any way, and address me the way that you persistently have chosen to, i can’t distinguish between you and someone who feels entitled to belittle anyone of the female sex. i imagine you are completely ignorant to what this feels like from just one side of sexism — LET ALONE both at the same time.

this is why i find myself repeatedly responding to you with increasing hostility. either you’re reading me as female, and doing the exact same thing that so many male-bodied persons before you have done without regard for my right to basic dignity, or you are reading me as male, and contributing to my daily experience of being subjected to sexism in both directions. in either case, you need to stop this persistent search for opportunities to put me down as a person. i’m not asking.

it’s one thing to have your own opinion (even on the matter of treating men with greater hostility by default). it’s another thing entirely to attack my character as a person because i think differently than you do. cut the shit out.

Your response was to refer to this as passive-aggressive and unsolicited, topped off with another slice of your favourite flavour: ableism. You have called my cognitive capacities, mental faculties, and reading comprehension into question whenever you see fit to degrade the value of anything I have to say on my own behalf, on multiple occasions where we simply have different opinions. Calling me an idiot because I’m talking back against you is the last opportunity to exhibit an ableist gesture that you will ever again enjoy the pleasure of knowing I’ve read. Which brings me to the problem of making yourself out like a poor fucking victim of hatemail.

You’ve been generating opportunities to bully me for nearly a year, by my recollection. You’ve never engaged me in civil discussion. So I stopped engaging you politely, or attempting to share anything other than animosity in a conversation with you. You responded to my absence by seeking me out, just to create further conflict in which to fling insults at me like a fucking chimpanzee throwing its own feces. That I’ve finally had it after talking to someone who sees right through your selective treatment of the sexes, and have chosen to act by talking back, is in no way unsolicited. Allow me to unpack this so it can sink into your thick fucking skull.

You’ve bullied me online for close to a year. I stood up for myself today. You have no claim, that this response to your bullshit is unsolicited. Your actions have been begging my hostility for months now, and I have been answering this by disengaging you before I fucking erupt. I’ve had enough,  and as a direct result of how you have persistently treated me, I finally enacted with my rage against you — with an email that is actually rather generous, given the circumstances you’ve created.

So fuck you, Brian. You want passive-aggressive? How about calling me an idiot for all your friends to see — not naming names, of course — and claiming my email was unsolicited? How about blocking and unblocking someone you harbour so much animosity towards, as you clearly feel towards me as a person (who you’ve never even met despite the number of friends we share in common in a relatively small community)? How about this fucking blog entry, which I’ve written just for you, after I’ve made sure you can’t access anything I post any more (except for this blog, of course)?

You are, truly, the embodiment of a complete goddamned dickshit and a toxic personality. I am sick to death of being stressed out and fucking enraged because of your need to spread hatred and bigoted bullshit. I’m not the only one, either, but I’ll leave you to use your superior fucking intellect to figure out who your friends really are.

And before you get your fucking rocks off about how powerful your ego is: I’m angry at you, but only because literally thousands of men before you have treated me lower than shit. You’re not all that hot shit, that you did all of this alone. You’re not even the first hot shit named Brian to have triggered this magnitude of my anger against men. What I’m getting at, is you’re insignificant as an individual. You’re not a person who makes me angry — you’re a faceless stand-in. A substitute. An analogy. A symbol. So at the end of the day today, you don’t mean anything any more. I’ve learned to count on the next one of you quickly volunteering to take the place of the last shithead.

Sincerely fucking yours.