Anti-Misogyny / Personal Is Political

Guys Who Oppose Misogyny: Here’s How to Stop Doing It Wrong

I’ve been working really hard for years now, to understand privilege and oppression, and how it plays into my own day-to-day life. The time has come, it would seem for me to try to share some of this knowledge. For the purposes of understanding where I am coming from, I am conscious that I am privileged in the following ways as an individual:

I was born in North America, and continue to live here. I live in first-world conditions with access to literacy, education, clean drinking water, and so on. I’ve got it pretty good, relatively speaking, just by having the exceptionally good luck of being born in North America.

I am a white person (my blood comes from all across Europe, not just the Northwest), who is also part Caucasian and part Jewish by ethnicity. The society I live in  assumes that whiteness is objectively superior to any other ethnic state of being. More on what that means in another post, but for the time being, this means that the default assumption is that if you’re white, you’re right. I’ve got it pretty good, relatively speaking, just by being born a descendant of Northwestern Europeans (on one side of my family).

I am college-educated, I have access to the internet, and my first language is English. I’ve got it pretty good, relatively speaking, because I can use these tools to communicate to the most socially privileged groups of people in the entire world. That means I have a voice, I can make myself visible, and I can try to access help from people who have it to give. I still struggle, but I’m alive today, and that’s more than I can say for untold millions of people who have been born and died in my lifetime, because they didn’t have these privileges.

You’re A Guy (I’m Not), You Have Male Privilege (I Don’t)

Privilege, in its simplest terms, is the default state of being treated with favour by everybody in society, by legislation, by media, by governments, by the application of authority, and so on. This comes with a cost attached, but first, more about how awesome it is for you: one critical superpower of privilege is that you are, by default, blind to other people’s experience of oppression. When you begin to learn about it, you can just look away or completely avoid any actual hurt feelings/frustration/harm that is caused to the people who are treated lesser every day so that you and everyone like you can be treated so well. And that’s the cost part. You are not to blame for it as an individual, because like the ways I am privileged because of my geographic location and skin colour, you simply inherited it by virtue of the fact that you have a Y-chromosome. This is also not an accusation against you personally, of consciously perpetrating oppression against other people who are different (especially women).

What I’m driving at here is privilege is as impersonal and apathetic a construct as oppression is. It’s a social force that doesn’t care if it hurts your feelings when, say, someone who notices it’s putting the wind in your sails starts yelling at you because they have to paddle really fucking hard. Maybe they don’t have sails at all. Maybe they do, but the way privilege works, the wind is working against that person’s movement up stream alongside you. They may really want to be where you’re headed, but because they were born with two X-chromosomes or with more melanin in their skin than I was born with, they are still getting pushed downstream, no matter how hard they try. You’ll pass by people who are shipwrecked, and wonder why they don’t just pick themselves up and carry on, or why they didn’t just steer around an obvious obstacle. You’ll also feel the cool breeze on your face, feel the momentum of your boat picking up, and get a smug sense of satisfaction that you’re moving along quite swiftly. You may or may not actually be smug.

Evidence that you are privileged because you’re a guy is evident everywhere. Because you’re a guy, your voice as an individual is among the most abundantly over-represented population within literature, mass media, governments, medicine, human history, economics, and the list goes on — especially if I get more specific. Because you’re a guy, you are valued first and foremost for your intellectual capacities (unless you are a disabled guy, except in the obvious case of Stephen Hawking). Because you’re a guy, your potential isn’t just protected from being actively diminished by this inequality at the expense of women’s oppression (not to mention trans* people’s as well). In fact, your potential is quite literally boosted because of your privilege. Even the view of the world from your eyes is the assumed default vision of all human beings (this is called the male gaze). When a woman is raped, we ask ourselves “What if I was accused of raping someone?” instead of asking ourselves “What if I was raped?” When rape is written about or filmed in graphic detail in evocative fiction stories, all the “action” centres around what the phallus is doing. The same goes for how erotica is depicted.

The list goes on. The point is, evidence is everywhere, that guys inherited (and have) privilege, for the simple fact that they were born with a Y-chromosome.

Saying “You’re Privileged” Is Not A Personal Insult

If I tell you, a guy, that you as an individual have social privilege, it’s not a personal insult against you. In fact, it’s quite literally not even an insult, considering what that means. So stop whining about it when someone calls you on it. What they are trying to tell you is that you are blind to something else that is taking place in the conversation where you think you have authority. That conversation may be about how women experience systemic sexism. It may be about slut-shaming. Whatever it is, it’s not about you, Individual Guy. But when you start whining like someone has personally insulted you because they aren’t stroking your ego to tell you that you’re doing everything right and you’re awesome, you are making it all about you. That’s going to make people angry at you, and only then will it actually be about you. At least, that is, until you have sufficiently derailed the entire conversation and effectively silenced everyone.

Remember the part where I mentioned that it’s not your fault that you have privilege, because you inherited it through no fault of your own? And that part where I mentioned that privilege as a force doesn’t care if someone yells at you for having it because they don’t? This is what I mean. It’s not a personal insult. It’s like making neutral observations about your appearance, such as “You’re wearing clothes.” Except in a conversation about someone else wearing tattered linens they painstakingly wove with their own hands because that’s all they can acquire with what resources they inherited, you’re observed wearing an Armani suit you inherited from your father. It’s not a personal insult, so when you try to defend yourself as though it is, you’re being a bad ally (and derailing the issue of misogyny).

Stop Whining About Misandrist Women

Remember the boats again? You’re sailing along upstream with a nice breeze in your face, and you occasionally pass by someone who is shipwrecked, wondering why or how, as you continue to sail away and quickly reach a place where they aren’t visible to you any more. Well, sometimes misogyny is so destructive to women (as it has been in my case, when I was living as one), that the reason they are shipwrecked is because a series of men in boats ripped off parts of individual women’s boats faster than they could repair, and just when one of them sprung a leak, another guy in a boat came along to set it on fire. And another one came after him and fired a cannonball through it. The ship went down because of a series of men behaving terribly towards a vulnerable woman, and now that woman is powerless. That’s assuming she’s alive, of course. But her story had to come from somewhere — the men who helped her get there aren’t going to tell it.

So say a woman just like her finally rebuilds through years of hard work, and you come along minding your Ps and Qs, and she yells at you or says something condescending, because you have privilege and seem to be blissfully unaware of it as you sail right past her while she’s paddling as hard as she can. All the whining in the world on your part or in your defence, about how much she’s hurting your feelings because you didn’t do that to her, isn’t going to help her heal and stop yelling. She has every right to be suspicious and angry. It’s because of suspicious and angry women who aren’t afraid to trample all over the delicate sensibilities of the men holding the tools of empowerment, that women have any rights at all. It hasn’t even been a hundred years since women won the right to be legally acknowledged as persons in Canada, and at present in the United States, reproductive rights are being ripped out of women’s hands by legislation that defines conception (or even the beginning of the menstrual cycle in some states) as the moment when life begins (TWO WEEKS BEFORE THE FUCKING SPERM IS ANYWHERE IN THE VICINITY FOR FUCK’S SAKE).

Yes, women who are actually misandrists are actually causing harm. But women who are misandrist have either directly experienced such significant misogyny that the mere suspicion of it is enough to send them flying off the handle against it, or they have observed other women experience so much of it that they feel a responsibility (however misguided) to fight against it to the benefit of those women who cannot do the fighting themselves (because they’re shipwrecked somewhere inaccessible). To compare misandry from women to misogyny from men is like comparing racism against whites on the part of individual people to the systemic racism against people of colour as a collective — unlike individual interactions where you can just walk away, systemic means it is literally structured into every aspect of society. It’s calling for equal attention to be paid to grossly unequal disparities, and that makes you a bad ally.

Calling attention to misandrist women shows that you either aren’t willing or aren’t ready to address the problem of misogyny. The presence of misandrist women anywhere really has no bearing at all on the onus we all have to work against misogyny.

More On Women Being Condescending Towards Men

I know what it sounds like to someone who isn’t paying very close attention, or who is just looking for ways to secure the right to be… well… right. It sounds like women have a free pass to trample all over your feelings and be condescending, which means that as a guy in a conversation about misogyny, you’ll have an urge to claim victim status or hurt feelings as a result of an unpleasant interaction with a condescending woman who may or may not actually be a misandrist. But that’s really not the portrait I’m painting here. I keep talking about the boats because I’m kind of a visual person, and that’s the first image that came to mind today. Really, what the aim of that is, is to inspire empathy. And since you’re a guy and you have all this social privilege, right down to the default of human perception on everything being a guy’s point-of-view, when you experience condescension it’s because women have become impatient with you.

While women have been actively and passively socialized to be emotionally empathetic to all people, and nurturing and loving, they’ve also been actively and passively socialized to see everything from a guy’s perspective. Being a woman and being empathetic to oneself is actually not nearly as natural as you, a guy, may believe. It actually takes work for a woman to put herself in her own shoes, because she is so constantly held to the expectation of putting herself in someone else’s — most often men’s shoes, because guess who she will spend most of her time listening to: that’s right. Guys again!

When you, as a guy who opposes misogyny, fail to empathize with this aspect of women’s experiences, and demand that impatient women who are  being condescending towards you try to empathize with how you feel, you are perpetuating a form sexism that touches them in that place of emotional alienation and dissociation. That’s going to make already impatient women either flip their shit (FLIP all the shits!) or just stop talking to you entirely. And if you tell them they need to be nicer to keep you interested in working against misogyny? Well, you’re touching them in another place of their life-long experience of sexism, where they have been told all their life to be submissive to men, docile, nurturing, and quiet. If you want to take part in working against misogyny, you just need to get used to being made uncomfortable.

Remember at all times that women have been forcibly made this uncomfortable for their entire lives. But you’re a guy, so it hasn’t happened to you, and when you voluntarily put yourself there, you can take a break from it whenever you need to. You’re a guy, and you’re not directly targeted by men who hate women; men who rip off parts of women’s boats, light them on fire, and fire cannonballs through them, leaving women shipwrecked as a matter of habit. When you engage directly with what it is to be targeted by misogyny, you are going to get directly uncomfortable, and whining about someone getting impatient and becoming condescending simply isn’t going to help. In fact, it makes you a bad ally.

It’s Not Your Fault — Yet

Another really important thing about misogyny is that it’s not your fault as an individual (you know, unless you happen to hold women down by the neck while you rape them and punch them in the face in your spare time). But empathizing with women’s experiences of misogyny is not asking you to apologize for those experiences, so please don’t. That’s making it all about you again, and perpetuating yet another form of sexism in the same gesture. Remember that part I just finished mentioning, about how women are held for their whole lives, to the expectation of being nurturing? Well, this is what I’m referring to. When you apologize for things you haven’t even done, what you’re really doing is soliciting for coddling and hand-holding. And how does that work? Because we all are socialized to think first, “What if I was accused?” And because women are socialized to empathize with everyone else, the first thing that will come to mind is how horrible it would feel to be blamed for something that one didn’t do oneself. This is isn’t just being a bad ally — it’s being a terrible one.

But now that you’re becoming conscious of how harmful misogyny actually is to those who are targeted by it (i.e., not you), you will only demonstrate how deeply you understand by eradicating misogyny from your own behaviours. If your female friend just told you how fucking horrible it was to be date-raped, the onus is on you to tell your male friend to shut the fuck up before he finishes a joke about date-rape. Or gang rape. Or Grand Theft Auto’s prostitutes (or real prostitutes). The onus is on you to call people out for using misogynist language such as bitch, slut, whore, etc. (unless they are self-identifying as any of these things) because it’s no one else’s place to “reclaim” these words for everyone — especially not men. The onus is on you to take an active part in thwarting misogyny until the day comes that it has become eradicated (and we are a fucking long way off). If you don’t take an active part in fighting it, you are helping perpetuate it (either actively in taking part, or passively in exhibiting neutrality).

Stop Mansplaining

If you’re a guy and you want to help stop misogyny, and you’re comfortable with the idea of becoming uncomfortable through the process of empathy, I cannot stress this point enough. Mansplaining is when a man is so used to being right all the time (especially in conversations with women), that in a conversation with someone he perceives as a woman (whether or not they actually are one), he just ‘splains anything he can. And in conversations about misogyny, this is especially sexist. Whether you’re ‘splaining about how to make a public demonstration against misogyny, or how to talk about misogyny to win allies against it, or how misogyny manifests, what you’re really doing is speaking from the privileged assumption that you’re right all the time. Even about shit you are never directly impacted by and can take a break from any time it pleases you. This is especially nerve-grating when the introduction of the term “mansplaining” comes into a conversation, and it is answered by a guy who says “that’s so condescending!”

Grow a little backbone here. Be a strong ally. Sometimes the most important thing you can do is just stop talking and start listening — and not just listening for your turn to speak. I mean really listening to what’s being said, even if it’s something that makes you uncomfortable.

There Is No Ego In This, So Yours Isn’t Going To Get Stroked

Women don’t have a choice in whether or not misogyny impacts them. There is no reward to a woman’s ego in being slut-shamed, being blamed for being raped, having their bodies policed by men and phallocentric organizations such as religious pro-life groups, or being beaten with fists or stones for the horrible crime of existing while having two X-chromosomes. There is no ego-stroking in having one’s potential actively diminished every time any another woman somewhere else in the world is murdered by yet another misogynist, or is beaten, rendered permanently disabled, accosted, molested, raped, forced to marry her rapist, mutilated, aggravated to commit suicide, or indoctrinated into getting high-risk plastic surgeries for no reason other than the sexual gratification of her male partner. There is no ego-stroking from humbling oneself completely, and taking a public stand in a demonstration against misogyny.

And you, as a guy, cannot expect your ego to get stroked for taking part, either. That’s trying to make it all about you, by creating an incentive system specifically for men, which I can guarantee would not be fulfilled by other men (i.e., going right back to the expectation of coddling and hand-holding that comes out of apologizing for shit you didn’t do). Anti-misogyny allies take part in working against the problem out of a need for social justice — not for kicks. Justice is the reward. It takes hard work, and it comes in small doses. Which brings me to mention mansplaining again: because of the amount of energy it requires to both experience and fight against misogyny, telling someone how to go about fighting it is pure horse shit.

The Onus To Educate You Is On Your Own Shoulders

If any part of this blog entry is unclear to you, please do us both a favour and use the power of the internet to do an online search for it before you comment to ask me to educate you further. It’s the most powerful tool for knowledge and learning humankind has ever had at its disposal, and you are clearly using it right now to read this. Just open another tab and use some of the unusual language you find in this writing to do a search on Google. If you see “feminist” or “gender” in the URL, there’s a high chance you’re using the right search terms. Especially if you see “genderbitch”. I have a particular kind of writing style that I’m fully conscious is not the easiest for everyone to understand all the time — I’ve also written nearly 4,000 words in this entry alone — so if something I’ve said isn’t clear, read about it in someone else’s voice. But for the sake of peat, do not hold me exclusively responsible for educating you, simply because I’ve started this conversation.

While I am happy and willing to have it with you, I don’t need to be held to the expectation of fulfilling your need to be nurtured. I’m not your mother. In fact, I’m no one’s mother. And you’re an adult using the internet. How fabulous and convenient!

And That’s Where I Have To End This

This was exhausting to write. It literally took me all day. Hours. And I wouldn’t have been able to write it at all, if I hadn’t spent $50,000 in student loans attending school for four years. But my understanding of this topic is also from living nearly 30 years with two X-chromosomes, and attempting to live as a woman for a majority of my adulthood, even though this was not my authentic gender identity. Looking at myself through my gender exploration from 7 to 26 years old, as if from the back seat while someone else was driving the car, I have endured a lifetime of sexual trauma, sexual harassment, sexual objectification, and sexism. I’ve also watched my two sisters and my mother endure much of what I went through, at same the time. And now I have been watching all of my female friends fighting against the same kinds of social oppressions. And I still hear about even more women’s experiences every day. While I can completely empathize with any guy who is actively trying to wrap his head around misogyny in the abstract sense (about the closest any anti-misogyny ally-guy will ever get), my own head is full of fuck.

30 thoughts on “Guys Who Oppose Misogyny: Here’s How to Stop Doing It Wrong

  1. Pingback: The Right Kind of White « HaifischGeweint

  2. “Being a woman and being empathetic to oneself is actually not nearly as natural as you, a guy, may believe. It actually takes work for a woman to put herself in her own shoes, because she is so constantly held to the expectation of putting herself in someone else’s”

    I’d never considered this before. Fascinating article, thank you for the read.

  3. Pingback: Whites Who Oppose Racism: Here’s How To Stop Doing It Wrong « HaifischGeweint

  4. Pingback: Commercial & Broadway Demonstrations « The Uterus League

  5. I don’t mean to mansplain or anything but this article (as with much I read on the topic of misogyny) is too long. Honestly I’m receptive to the message and read this whole article throughout the day while doing a bunch of things, but most people have time for 1000 words-ish tops. From articles, your not writing a 4th year university paper (thus the lack of citations) your writing an article for general consumption. You might also consider tailoring to a target as well. I don’t have an armoni suit or whatever I am just a receptive working class person who cares about the impact of female voices in his communities. I hate when my sisters are complaining that they have difficulty getting their points through or even communicating them.

    I have training in communication and I wonder sometimes if they’ve tried some of the usual tricks of the trade or whatnot but I’m baffled by the difficulty people have in making people’s opinions change. I understand that I communicate from my position of privilege but what do I do to make other such folk recognize their biases that mute other opinions.

    • You might consider just reading what’s relevant to you, or taking a moment to question whether or not you’re prepared to do the work if you find something of this length sufficiently off-putting so as to deter you from investing in being a part of the solution to the problem of misogyny. I mean honestly — you’re saying you don’t have enough time to not be a privileged dick? Too fucking bad. I don’t have enough time to spend the entire remainder of my life having my potential constantly diminished by sexism.

      The Armani suit is just a metaphor for “your privilege is showing”.

  6. It took me a few weeks to get my (hetero cis male) partner to read this (I’m a queer cis woman). When he did read it, he said it really opened his eyes and gave him a different perspective. Hearing him identify how difficult it is to be a woman in man’s world was so awesome and validating that I started crying – which took both of us by surprise. I feel like I was finally able to break through his privilege blindness and get him to start thinking like an ally – and I’ve craved that for such a long time. I’m so grateful to people like you who are able to articulate the frustrations and oppressions that I have such a hard time naming.

    Thank you thank you thank you.

  7. transgendered dirt bag!!!!!!
    stay out of NORMAL people’s ways!!
    You don’t belong!!!
    You’ll never be like one of US!!!
    you’re DIFFERENT!!!

    • uhhh…what the hell? this is like a cartoon of someone queerbashing. a weird, anachronistic, badly written cartoon.

      zowl: too bad we’ll never be “like one of you” …it seems like you’re really happy and secure. and smart. and like you know about a whole bunch of different kinds of punctuation.

      on another, less befuddled note, thanks for the article dude! good stuff!

  8. Yes, all of us white men are rich, basking in the figurative Armani suits of privilege. Just looking for our next ‘victim’ at every turn. It’s funny how all these articles I read on misogyny are filled with sweeping generalizations and a healthy dose of telling me how to think and act – bordering on hypocritical at times. I’d offer a piece of advice that I recently read coming from someone with precisely your point of view, never assume to know anyone else’s uniquely personal experiences. I look forward to a world where simply being white and male predisposes you being a pig-headed asshole. But there I go, mansplaining again. Yes, there’s a lot of work to be done to get women on a level playing field with men, but at least here in North America – it isn’t half as bad as you and the rest of the feminist community make it out to be. Women have a tremendous amount of power here and I’ve found myself under their collective heels many, many times – but shhhhh…don’t tell anyone or you’ll be branded a misogynist. How about we focus on attaining real equality, instead of just man-shaming the world into submission.

  9. This is really beautifully written. So insightful and educational. As a ridiculously privileged man, I often try to keep my eyes open and mouth closed to listen and try to understand (as I can never really relate) to the voice of oppressed people. I often feel very fortunate that I am Jewish. Not because of being able to claim oppression myself (it’s invisible, for fucks sake and I have the privilege of citing it as needed), but because I think it’s the closest thing I have to really understanding what oppression might feel like. I always wonder what liberated Jews, immediately post-holocaust must have felt like voicing hatred against the German’s and being told: “Oh no. Not all German’s were evil. Only the Nazi’s.” Such pain.
    You take amazing pains here to simplify the topic of privilege – a near impossible task – and succeed. You are making the world a better place.

    • …says the guy who missed the entire point and just ranted for an hour about how men have it so hard because women actually expect….not politely ask….to be treated like humans… And how that’s man shaming #derp

  10. Oh goodness. Such an adversarial and judgmental tone. And yes I agree with previous commenter, it could be shortened significantly and still get the message across. Please don’t diminish someone else’s viewpoint as ‘whining’. I recommend this article as being a very good starting point in the road to being less sexist (toward men) and adversarial, and generally more positive (solution oriented):

    • Gee, nothing like editorial feedback from someone I don’t know from a hole in the wall but who felt it necessary to tell me how to write.

      Next time? Start your own blog and kindly fuck off.

  11. I have been thinking about this post since the first time I read it, and I just had occasion to re-read it and to remember how perfect it is. I want to thank you for taking a day plus four years plus nearly 30 years to come up with something so perfect. I want to send different parts of it to so many different people. You rule.

  12. I love being privileged so very very much. I really do. While I think about all the “character” that I must be missing out on by not having any genuine strife in my life, I also think….fuck character. If I needed it that badly, I’d fuckin have it.

    I look at women in general and automatically feel as though I`m better than them.
    I look at men in general and automatically feel as though I’m better than them.

    I picture myself as the home owner detaining the thief till the cops arrive and winning.
    I picture myself as the thief, detaining the home owner and stealing valuables before the cops arrive.

    I`m so privileged, I have to make an active effort to envision a situation in which I could not come out on top, and by that point the Sasquatches have all mounted their respective unicorns and the world has ended.

    I`m irritated with society for teaching me how to look at a woman as anything other than another human being. I’m frustrated discovering that the system in place is so wrong and fucked, that I myself am wrong and fucked.

    Culturally and socially, women are trained to be inferior to men from birth. Men are trained to be condescending pricks from birth. I can personally say it is hard to unlearn what you’ve come to believe as fact your whole life. I almost don’t want to. It’s too hard and it doesn’t even really benefit me. It’s all for others. That blows.

    I’ve stopped holding doors. I use to hold doors for women because that’s what I was taught to do and someone told me that was sexist. Then I just held doors for everyone, male, female, whoever. No one took over. I just stood there like some paid chump except I wasn’t getting paid. I’ve stopped holding doors.

    Do I pay for dinner because I’m a man and I get paid more to do the same job and therefore it is expected? Do you want to pay for half? If you don’t offer to pay for half should I be offended? Is it totally presumptuous of me to say something like “I’ll get this one, you get the next.”? I never turn down money. I wont argue if you say you’ll get this one. Great. More money for me to spend on shit I don’t need.

    I seriously cannot image how difficult life would be under the oppressive thumb of another person, let alone a whole system that deems you inferior, unfit to make your own decisions, a sex toy….oh wait, yes I can. I’ve been to prison. There you go. Wanna experience misogyny? Be a man in prison and act like a woman. I’m pretty sure that’ll give you a hint of what it’s like to be a woman outside of prison.

    The Armani reference was poor. Privileged rich people don’t wear Armani, they wear Kiton.

      • +11111

        Don’t worry… Idiots are always going to refuse to understand what the definition of white heterosexual cis male privilege is. They think if you do know what it is then you’re demonizing all men and claiming that all of them are guaranteed a life free of difficulty and that they can never suffer or have problems of their own….which is not anything anyone ever said but is something that people who insist that misogyny is okay bring up time and time again as if it proves feminists wrong somehow and justifies treating women as less… Because if women were “more appreciative” of all these things that men do “for them” (read: if women stayed in their place) then of course we wouldn’t need feminism….but you all got a pretty ungrateful so no we’re giving it back to you….no more being nice to women ever or treating them like humans it all!

        “Oh yeah well… Maybe men
        don’t always do everything right… But… Like… Feminists… Like… They’re mean and stuff….and… Like… They’re like…uuuummmmmmmmmm….you know… like… they just don’t like men… Therefore all feminism is invalid……i’m never going to do anything nice for any woman ever again. All she’s going to do is refuse appreciate it and lecture me and be a huge ungrateful bitch. #misandry it’s almost like these uppity cunts don’t know how to treatment anymore… Like they will treat us the way that we demand to be treated… As superior…and I’ve always been such a nice guy…Man-haters!”

        My favorite is the whole, “we built society…all for YOU…now you take it for granted,” shit. Who’s “we?” You got a turd in your pocket? You weren’t there. You haven’t built shit except maybe a model train or a no-girls-allowed pillow fort… Where you still live apparently.


  13. I stopped reading this article about halfway through because I couldn’t stand to read any more of it, but I hate every part of it. First of all, misandry matters. It needs to be dealt with, because it could be worse. It’s easy to say it doesn’t if it is small, but what if it reaches the point of, for example, Sharon Osborne laughing about violence against a man? This is why it has to be dealt with. Secondly, I am a woman and believe I have some privileges which men don’t have. For example, my chances as a parent will probably always be valued more than a man’s would, my right to be protected against physical violence will probably be valued more than a man’s would, I would probably never be called off to fight in a war, but a man might, and I will probably always be listened to more if I complain about being a victim of sexism than if a man would. [I could name and think of plenty more if I needed to]. And yes, telling someone they are privileged is offensive, because you don’t know everything about them so are not fit to make that judgement. What if they are anything else that then can be a victim of? What if they have a bad family situation and you just don’t know about that? What about any secret learning difficulties that they may have? Maybe this article gets better, but it is long and I’m not giving it a chance. I completely disagree with it. Also, the word guy means human being, so to use it to mean male person is sexism, it is using the word person to mean male person.

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